I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I am mentally ready for anal.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
