Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
