To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
