just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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