my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
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