I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
