like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
