And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
