I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
