The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
