She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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