please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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