Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
