I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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