im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
