Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
