allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
