Just fell off a train. Bad.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
