Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
