i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
