so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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