Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
