where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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