soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
