You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
