ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
