I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
