I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
