He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
