porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
