I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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