There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize