It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
