I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
