I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
