Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she peed on how many people?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
