at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
