sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
