she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
