So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
