I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
