so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
