got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
