At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
