Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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