I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
