also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
