my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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