i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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