well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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