Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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