You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
