Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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