After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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