Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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