I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
