Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
