he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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