I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
