Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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