Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize