I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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