If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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