then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
