He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
