Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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