I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
